I just got out of the hospital after 5 days with a hole in my appendix which wasn’t able to be removed because of the infection possibly spreading. The Infection spread a long time ago, it is just symbolic, manifesting itself now. This isnt a wake up call and hardly a dance with death I dont feel any drive towards accomplishing the things I set out long ago, to accomplish any dreams or grasp hold of a delusional light or gain a second wind I simply still exist with my pain , now a bit more acute and physical than it has been in a while. All things in life are transitory, there is no reason to attach yourself to anything because it will be gone in a heartbeat sometimes much like life itself. When I was younger I was far more narcissistic than I am now, I felt like I could be chopped to pieces, my head severed , thrown in the depths of the ocean, but my form and my spirit would come back stronger, more fluid, with sharp , undaunting purpose, to inflict my own unique and personal version of pain and suffering on the world, those I have felt have smitten me. I don’t possess that desire anymore. I smite myself simply being alive. -t.b.
In my eyes you see the equinox and shiver, feeling my soul for a split second as if it was the darkest, coldest day of the year and you were stark naked in the eye of the storm. I illuminate your fears and bring them to fruition, my touch is like a thousand insects on your skin. My beauty resides far above any movement or appearance fathomable, yet you attempt to damn me with faint praise. I engulf you and swallow you down hole like an appetizer. You experience it in your embraceable death dance, my tango, as I tap dance on your miserable, wretched, feeble fecal spirit. My elegance and refinement comes in the swift form of your spinal cord snapping, your brain stem shattering like glass. I shit on your evening sunset, your hopeless malaise, your frailness. I am the pain in your tears.-t.b. 2013